I discovered this little movie review that I wrote five years ago. I'm pretty good at movie reviews, don't you think?
Yesterday we received a movie in the mail. It was ‘Ocean’s Twelve’.
You will now find out why it is so much more enjoyable to see a movie at home than in a movie theater.
Around 6:30, we decided to watch it. Since Marilyn was on one couch with the two dogs, I settled down on the other sofa. I don’t know why we have two sofas in our den – it just worked out that way. The movie had some big stars – like Brad Pitt and George Clooney and Julia Roberts and Catherine Zita Jones.
It was a convoluted story of a robbery and high tech stuff. You really had to pay attention to what was going on.
But thirty minutes into the movie, I had to put it on pause. It was time to feed the dogs. I accused my wife of buying something on Ebay that day, so it was her feed the dogs. You see, in an effort to thwart her Ebaying, I said that I would feed the dogs in the evenings if she didn’t buy anything on Ebay that week. This has caused some problems, because she has purposely not been buying things just to make me go through the drudgery of dog feeding. But – yesterday she ‘only bought something small’ – but that was enough to crucify her. So she had to do it.
But I figured I might as well empty the dishwasher at the same time – that is a routine assignment for me.
Dogs fed and dishes put away, she grabbed a diet Pepsi and I got some iced tea and we settled back down to the movie.
“What happened before we stopped?” she asked.
“We’ll figure it out.”
The movie proceeded. There was something about the ‘Black Fox’ or the ‘Dark Wolf’ or somebody – another thief that was in competition with our thieving heroes.
Movie paused. “What do you think about Ravioli?”
We had some frozen Ravioli in the freezer. I dumped it into boiling water while Marilyn picked up dog toys hiding all over the house. While we had some spaghetti sauce, we didn’t have any mozzarella cheese – but had a little bit of packaged grated cheddar cheese, and there was a block of some kind of white cheese that I sliced into little slices and finished it off with a couple of slices of American cheese. It didn’t exactly melt to a gooey stage. So after filling our two bowls with the ravioli, I zapped them into the microwave to get the cheeses good and melted.
Back to the movie. My wife said, “This ravioli is sort of interesting.”
The movie continued. I was a little lost – they kept having flashbacks that confused me – and I forgot what happened before dinner was prepared. But my confusion was overcome by my admiration of Catherine Zeta Jones.
I think my wife read my mind, for she said, “If I could look like anyone else, I would want to look like her.”
Now a smart husband has to say something. “Well, I’m glad that you are not. If you looked like her, you would be fooling around with highfalutin people and be rich and bored rather than here happy and pleased with me.” I'm not sure that was the right thing to say.
The movie was playing. I think I heard a “Hurrmmph!”
“Well, who would you want to be?” she asked.
George Clooney and some of his cavalier band were being put in jail. Why were they being put in jail? I missed something here.
“Sean Connery. Although a bit younger, I think.”
The character that Julia Roberts played had been cajoled into playing like she was Julia Roberts as they entered the museum that had the green egg they were going to steal. It is too confusing to explain.
Hutch, our lab, came up with an old sock hanging from his mouth. It was clear that he was discouraged with this movie crap and wanted to play. He first came to me, and I ignored him. So he went to my wife. Guilty conscious stabbed at us – we had ignored the dogs all night. They are good and patient animals and they don’t ask for much – and they just needed a little attention.
So I paused the movie, and both of us sprang from our respective sofa’s screaming, “I’m gonna’ get it!” Hutch took off running around the house with both of us chasing screaming, “I’m gonna’ get it!”
Hutch darted and twisted and dashed avoiding our chase. You will note that old wise people do not chase dogs – only youthful virile people do that!
Soon Buddy, our other dog got into the act – and started chasing Hutch. We knew we could then sit back down and the dogs would entertain themselves.
I turned the movie back on, but I had to turn the sound a little higher to cover the noise of the dogs barking and growling as they fought over the old sock.
“Damn this is a long movie!” I remarked at 9:15.
Our heroes got the green egg and won the contest – I’m a little confused what the contest was about. The movie ended.
My main criticism was that the movie seemed to bounce all over the place and it seemed like we missed key parts. Maybe it was because George, my stepson, returned my phone call and we set up a dinner engagement to celebrate his birthday….but that is another story. Or maybe I missed a key part when I left to go to the bathroom.
See – how much better it is to watch movies at home.
“This was a confusing movie.”
“Yea, they need to make movies with a more straight forward story line so it's easier to it.”