One-Third Semi-Famous

Okay, I'm trying this for the third time and I'm having trouble allowing the words to bubble out. That's what is supposed to happen...words are supposed to bubble out instead of ooze. When words ooze it means that my typing fingers are ahead of my brain. The way it is supposed happen is for my furiously pecking fingers to struggle to keep up with my brain which whips along at warp speed. I think the problem is that I am under pressure. You see Jon Paul talked about this site that analyzes one's writing and proclaims what noted author they write like. Of course I had to try so I submitted one of my entries and the program cogitated and whirred and hiccuped and in four seconds proclaimed that I wrote like Isaac Asimov which just happened to be one of my favorite authors of years past which I guess makes me Semi-Famous and being semi-famous puts me under a lot of pressure. After all the scientist Dr. Asimov came up with those famous Three Laws of Robotics which are:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Now if I write like Isaac I figured I should come up with three laws of something and I could only come up with one.

1. You will have less earwax in a drier climate than in a humid one.

While I know this law would be of definite benefit to humankind and especially to the Chambers of Commerce of Nevada and Arizona and Utah, it actually proves that I am only one-third Semi-Famous. Oh yeah -- the law is true. I wear tiny little hearing aids and they have to be cleaned of ear wax once a day whilst in Houston. But in my ventures out west I found that I didn't have to clean the darn things for five days. Actually those western people should advertise that fact. Las Vegas: What happens here stays here -- and your earwax stays home! This would definitely attract the old geezer crowd.

So you see my problem.

I couldn't move forward. So in frustration I tried the test a second time and submitted a differed entry. Again I received a response in four seconds and this time I was informed that I wrote like James Joyce who I am told is a very fine author but you couldn't prove it by me because I have tried twice to read Ulysses and never could get past page 26. I'm not sure if it was incomprehensible or that I was bored to death but there is the added pressure of knowing that while I write like Isaac Asimov no one could read it because they either didn't understand it or was bored to tears with it.

Well hell.

So the only thing I can do is redirect my attention to either earwax investigation or dismiss Isaac and James from my mind for after all they have both croaked -- and I do hope they croaked in peace -- and pray that their ghosts aren't hovering over me as I write these very words.

Pause.

Awaiting chains rattling or a coffee cup suddenly flying at my head.

As you astute readers have surmised -- and I have to say you are astute or you will fling coffee cups at my head -- the simple answer is for me to simply be myself. This is the kind of thing our mothers said to us when we couldn't cope with excellence all around us but if you asked her, "What is myself?" she would stutter and search for some life enriching words that she never would quite find. But that is the question that plagues us all our lives: Who am I? If you try to discuss and analyze that question you immediately tumble into the nature versus nurture morass and end up more confused then where you started. So perhaps the question is one that maybe you shouldn't really ask yourself and just "be". And if someone asks you who you are just pop out an answer before even thinking about it and you will probably find that answer is probably closest to the truth.

Who am I?

Why I'm Semi-Famous, at least one third so.