I don't really know. I go into the back yard and over to the side of the house and there is a big tree plopped onto the house.
Did it damage anything?
I don't think so. The tree branches are holding it trunk off the roof.
You didn't hear it fall or anything?
Naw. We were probably too involved in intense intellectual discussion to be disturbed by such a silly thing. I would've thought the dogs would have reacted though.
Yeah...
They will attack a mosquito that gets into the house with maddening ferocity. But burglars and stuff -- they will lick them to death. You would think a tree hitting the house though....
Why did the tree fall?
They don't make trees like they used to, ya' know.
What are you going to do?
I'm analyzing the situation.
Getting out the chainsaw and going to work?
Well, I've studied the situation from many angles and from every angle I figure the application of my chain saw at any point is ripe for disaster. I am acutely aware that my best intentions usually don't work. Finally I called out the expert, and my wife said, "Oh crap!" She came to that conclusion without even studying the angles.
Finally she asked, "What are we going to do?"
...and you said?
I mentioned something about rope and block and tackle and she asked block and tackle where and I said I don't know...somewhere, because tree people always use blocks and tackles and she asked if I knew what a block and tackle was and this was an affront to my manhood and I told her it had to do with pulley things and she finally said, "You don't know what you are talking about, do you?"
I said, "Philosophically, yes."
Now what are you going to do?
I am reviewing my options. One shouldn't rush into these things. Let's see:
- Maybe I could claim Hurricane Ike damage...
Hurricane Ike was three years ago.
Maybe I could claim it was a delayed gust. Or maybe Ike shook the tree up and it finally just fell down.
I think you are going to have to face the fact that you need an expert to come out and take care of it.
Look. I have a tremendous respect for experts until I have to pay for them.
Maybe I could find a semi-expert.
I need to analyze this a little more.
Just remember, that if you don't like paying for a tree surgeon, there are other surgeons that can do the 'clean up' and 'reattachment' work!
ReplyDeleteI think I agree with the wife's assessment of needing an expert here but that might be because I'm a wife though and not because I don't trust your amazing analytical skills.
ReplyDeleteFirst off what you do is cut all the branches except the ones holding it off of the house right---hmmmmmmmm maybe a semi expert is not a good idea after all.
ReplyDeleteIf a tree falls on a house, and no one hears it, does it still make a sound? Because if not, I don't think they should be able to charge you to remove it.
ReplyDeleteI used to be a semi-expert tree guy. That is, I had a friend who could climb and use a chainsaw. I could hold a rope and stack up chunks of wood. We did this stuff for money. Without bonds, and without insurance. Or a license.
ReplyDeleteReal experts are better, if for nothing more than the bonds and insurance.
A friend of mine had part of her brain ruined by a falling tree. We have a similar one in our yard that throws branches the size of young trees at our house from time to time.
Once we sell out and begin searching for a new house, the absence of trees is a mutually agreed upon priority. Insidious vegetables.
Poor tree. It's a very beautiful tree. I wonder why it decided to lie down and take a nap on your house. Considerate of it, though, I think, not to crash through your roof and make loud noises to disturb you and your family. Maybe you can reclaim the wood and make unobtrusive and considerate bits of furniture out of it.
ReplyDeleteAw, that must have been a strange sight to behold. I would sure love all that wood though, as fire wood.;)
ReplyDeletexo
"Look. I have a tremendous respect for experts until I have to pay for them." Tru dat.
ReplyDeleteLOL! This is really freaking funny (of course I mean the post not the actual situation, that's actually quite unfortunate). ;)
ReplyDeleteI really like the "block and tackle" portion of it. Not because I know what they are either but because all I could imagine was the offensive line in football trying to block any additional damage from happening and tackling anyone or anything that got in the way during the tree removal process.
Oh, God...you are too funny. I *do* think that your wife has to give you more credit....'cause just the fact that you *remembered* something about a block and a tackle (football? fishing, maybe?) should count for something.
ReplyDeleteI have my own theory on this disaster: Overweight squirrels. It's a nationwide epidemic, I tell ya.
At least you won't want for firewood. Or stakes for passing vampires.
ReplyDeleteHonest, I am laughing at the post, not the situation.
ReplyDeleteBeing female, I am all for the expert. As jbchicoine said, the alternative to tree surgeons is not cool. Listen to us females, we live longer.
A friend of ours had a tree limb fall on their car, damaging the car. The insurance company needed to know if the tree limb was rotten or not. The rationale' was that, if it fell because it was rotten, they would pay the claim. BUT, if they couldn't find a "cause" for the limb falling, they would deem it an "Act of God" and deny the claim.
ReplyDeleteHope you aren't the victim of the wrath of God; you are on your own, apparently, if so.
I have to keep checking to be sure we really ARE living in the 21st century!!
That must of been a great conversation that you and the wife was having that the tree needed to get closer to listen in on it.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the removal.
I love the time I spend here; the comments are as funny as the post ;)
ReplyDeleteMy grandfather had a thing my brother called a block and tackle. It was wood and had a pulley and weighed more than it should have. Listen to your wife. She's the one who'll have to tend your wounds should you decide to deal with this yourself.
I'll chime in with my 2 cents worth. Yes, definitely consult an expert. Just get quotes on it like you would for hiring someone to remodel the kitchen. Or you can do what we (the unemployed for 3 years) do, start exploring our network of friends, family and neighbors and find out who or how to do it for free or trade.
ReplyDelete$1200 and it will disappear from the face of the earth.. trust me. Three times and "I am a believer". tump tump, tump tump, tummpph, (Monkees,,gitit)
ReplyDeleteI guess I missed a lot here while I've been gone. Wow! Trees can be so unthoughtful...
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of damage did it do to your house? I'm just asking because when things like this happen, it's usually a good time to do some remodeling at the same time (because your insurance will pay for a good portion of it (usually)).