Saturday, January 28, 2012

The BlogDotCom Murders

It is hard to begin a story at a time like this, especially if it is somewhat autobiographical. It is difficult to tell the truth and not glorify certain events as one is prone to do when talking about oneself, but there is the underlying unbelievable fact: How can a gentle kind soul who would never hurt no one – that would be me – become a fugitive from justice?

It all started with a series of silly and innocuous events that cascaded….well, let me start at the beginning.

The Crime
One weekend day, I guess a couple of weeks ago, I decided to change things. My intent was to make a minor improvement.  It was a cool and cloudy day, a boring day and my mood was adventuresome. A perfect day for tinkering. I sat at my desk, booted up my computer, and clicked on my ‘Gently Said’ icon to bring forth my blog. I thought it would be interesting to change things. I was especially interested in changing the font of the list of blogs that I enjoy reading. The list was bold and a little too glaring for me, so I simply wanted to make the list ‘not bold’ and reduce the size of the font a notch. That’s all.
America's Most Wanted?

The advantage would be that I could then increase the width of my narrative area. I had been successful at changing the presentation of my blog before, so I felt relatively confident. There is an area in my little blog universe to make these sort of changes, so I confidently started work.

I couldn’t do it. No matter what I tried, that list of blogs that I routinely read remained bold and glaring.

I thought about it. I knew there had to be some way, because I had seen it on other blogs. Obviously I had to approach the whole problem from a different angle. Why do I need that list of blogs that I read anyway? Well obviously so I could get to them. But I knew that there was some place on the Dashboard that identified other blogs. Just to be sure, I checked. Yep, the first blog that I saw was one of my favorites. So now I had a new approach.

I deleted the offending list and expanded my narrative area and was pleased with the results.

I saved everything and shut my blog down.

An hour or so later I reentered my blog to spend some enjoyable moments reading other blogs. I confidently tapped my way into my dashboard and started clicking through blogs and it started dawning on me. Some of my favorite blogs were there, but there were many that weren’t. And on top of that, I didn’t even recognize some of those dashboard displayed blogs.

Panic began to sit in. I went back into my blog and tried to undo everything in the vain hope that my friends list would somehow reappear.  No luck.

My friends had disappeared. Through my ineptness, I killed them.

Becoming a Fugitive

I have never been a murderer before. The only thing I could think to do was run away.

So in desperation, I turned my attention to a far off land. I thought of Canada, which is even farther away than Oklahoma. So far that even the Texas Rangers couldn’t find me. So I hopped on a plane and fled. I knew I had to lose myself and needed to stay away from populated areas because that is where private detectives hung out.






I thought to hide at Vermillion Lake -- but it was too open. I know about drones, you know.



Then I thought to hide in the forest.


But then I got smart. I figured the best thing to do was to hide myself in the crowds at the International Ice Sculpturing Festival at Lake Louise.








But I figured the mountains would be safer. But which mountain?






Then my wife called and told me I had to stop playing like I was a criminal and come home.

The Punishment

While hiding in the crowds at the Ice Festival, I slipped on that pesky ice and fell forward catching myself with my two hands. Unbeknownst to me until the next day, I suffered a whiplash in that fall. Today I sit at my desk in five minute stretches with an agonizing pain in the back of my neck. The natural order of things. I am now being punished for....

....trying to reduce a font on my blog which resulted in the killing of my friends.

Maybe, just maybe, if you will leave your mark in my comments, I can find you and resurrect you from the dead.

29 comments:

  1. I think maybe you are mistaken about killing us off. I see your blog list with about 18 or so in the right column.

    And just so you know, just in case you need to go into hiding, I hear that the mountains of North Carolina are the PERFECT spot to be on the lam.

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    1. I was able to find a few, Gigi. But more are in a grave somewhere and I hope the comments here will allow me to do a little grave digging.

      I worked for 18 months on a power plant project in Roanoke Rapids, NC -- and spent a good bit of time wandering around the mountains. It is truly beautiful.

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  2. Oh Jerry, I'm not dead--not really...Though I'm glad that through all your experiences, you got to see some pretty neat places! (Did you really go there?)

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    1. Yes ma'am -- I spent last weekend and the first part of this week in Calgary, Alberta near the western side of Canada. I made a detour through Banff and Lake Louise and environs where these pictures were taken.

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  3. I don't go down that easy, Mister. I'm still there. I like to think I am the kind of friend who doesn't care how big your font is, but if you say it needs smallening, I won't argue.

    Meanwhile, your pictures are ONLY of my version of Heaven.

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    1. Finally -- someone who likes my font.

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  4. And I was in heaven traipsing around that part of Canada.

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  5. Well, if you're gonna be a fugitive, there's a lot worse places to go I suppose! You are welcome back to my blog at any time. I like criminals...at least, I like ones with white beards, so you just barely made the cut. I think if you click on my profile now, it takes you to Google+, so here's my blog link: http://yearthirtyone.blogspot.com

    I'm glad you came home to face the music! :)

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    1. Thank you for providing the link. I forgot about the Google+ thing.

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    2. Yeah, it gives people a lot more information about me than my old blogger profile did, but it's hard to find the links to my blogs now! Kind of silly.

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  6. The hospital would've thought it amusing that you suffered whiplash because you slipped on the ice because you fled to Canada because you killed your friends because you tried to manipulate the display settings on your blog.

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  7. Har! Clever story, you killer of friends. From this day forth I will refer to you as 'Jerry the Hammer'.

    And I must say...Canada is the perfect place to go on the lam (not that I'm speaking from experience...)

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    1. I spent 18 months of my youth in your stomping grounds, Alan. Newfoundland is indeed a treasure trove.

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  8. Good Morning Jerry!! I'm so glad you came out of hiding!! If you've gotten whiplash, I would highly recommend going to a chiropractor... I am pretty sure you already resurrected me since you were so kind to visit :) www.adrielleroyale.blogspot.com IT'S ALLLIIIIIIIVVVVEEEEE!!! Mwah ah ah ah! ;)

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    1. You were one of the lucky few that I didn't kill off. Thank goodness.

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  9. Aha! I was wondering why I felt mostly dead. Now I know.

    P.S. Those photos are fantastic.

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  10. In that area of Canada, one can't help but get a good picture.

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  11. Oh my. Vermillion Lake looks like someplace I could just disappear to after I kilt my blogroll, too. I did that in the past. We're all fugitives from justice.
    Vermillion Lake. Sigh.

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    1. Oh, it indeed a lovely and serene place. It is a small lake just outside of Banff, Alberta. I'm going back someday.

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  12. Glad the weather went easy on you. There've been times when your camera would have frozen solid to your face. Until late spring.

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    1. The week before I was there, the Celsius thing went way down south. Everyone talked about how frigid it was. But I was lucky. It was only a little below freezing and no wind and the sun was shining most of the time.

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  13. Et tu, Jerry...

    Technology is just great! Right up until the time that things don't work! Blogger seems to have more than it's share...

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    1. It was probably just my stupidity. I assumed that Blogger knew what I wanted. Can't have faith in anything these days.

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  14. Glad you decided to hide in ice country. Florida is a little crazy right now.

    I loved the ice sculpture pictures!

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  15. Gosh, I thought I felt a bit strange... was I banished to one of MurMurr's piles of venerated sotting souls... :}

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  16. Dear Jerry, sorry I have not visited for a while, even though you always find the time to stop and leave lovely comments.;)
    I know all about those blogging mishaps, believe me. At times they drive me insane.
    No matter what, I love the new look here and I am totally in awe seeing these images. Is this your photography? It is stunning.;)
    Hope now you will be able to find my blog again, just in case I am missing from your list.;)
    Have a nice Sunday,
    xoxo

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  17. What a creative and funny post! (And what beautiful scenery surrounding you during your fugitive adventure!)

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  18. What an intriguing way to get us to look at pictures of your vacation! Bravo, Jerry!

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