So I have two pages: Home, which is where you are now; and Awards. If you click on Awards, you will find… nothing. I want to slap my awards in there, but I can’t figure out how to do it. I’m sure that in the days…weeks to come, I’ll bumble my way into it.
You will note that my posts come in a variety of format flavors. Sometimes there seems to be a bunch of space in between my lines, and on other posts there aren’t. There is a reason for this. I don’t know what I am doing. I do my writing in Word and copy it into the blog thing. I’m told that I shouldn’t do this because Word has a lot of embedded stuff that tends to screw things up. But I am comfortable with Word because I am a fast typist (that is a lot of Words per Minute, not Correct Words per Minute) and I will march fast and furiously along and then look up and see green squiggly lines throughout a whole paragraph. This is Word’s way of telling me that not only is every sentence in the paragraph grammatically incorrect, but that those sentences probably make no sense. Word is usually right.
All of us have written vignettes that we are particularly proud of, but they are buried somewhere in our posting archives. This is a problem. We as blog readers always latch onto the latest entry and rarely delve deeper. I wonder if I can entice some of you to read what I think are pretty nifty entries?
1. I wrote a treatise on how to save your marriage once. I was pretty sure that I would’ve won an award from the ‘Marriage Counseling Psycho-Therapeutic Association of Northern Tennessee and the Rest of America’ (MCPTANTRA), but they probably didn’t read it. The opportunity is now re-presenting itself. It is intriguingly entitled The Clasp. Your marriage may be perfect now, but it won’t always be and this entry may fix things right up.
2. Then may I direct you to my continuing marriage counseling efforts with A Scalloped Marriage. I submitted this to MCPTANTRA for peer review and subsequent publication. I haven’t heard anything. It must’ve got lost in the mail.
3. For those with a prurient titillating bent I offer this analytical expose of unbridled passion. The Kiss. Perhaps Penthouse magazine will grab onto this one and pay me a bunch of money to publish it.
4. And finally, a psychological thriller of ‘one confronting oneself’ in Desert Musings.
This is a picture of my sister, Sally, and me. I include it here because I have read that one must have pictures in their blog or…..I don’t know…something bad will happen. This picture puzzles me. The hem in Sally’s dress has obviously come loose. Now my mother would never allow us to wear anything that wasn’t in perfect order. So the dress malfunction must have recently occurred. I did say the other person was me didn’t I? I mean me way back then, not now.
This is me, from a few years back, holding up the side of a mountain. This serves to confirm the lies I have told you of my strength, vigor and deep-rooted frontiersman spirit.The key, I am told, to grabbing readership is to have an interesting blog title and I have to come up with one for this entry. I’ve mentally tried “Rambling through the Blog Thistles” and “Not So Curious Observations” and “Explicit Sexual Content”. The first two are boring and the last is a lie. But then it occurs to me to come up with a blog title that few would understand so that would make them curious. Provide sort of a delayed disappointment. (It’s easy to do. Just utilize a free online language translator. So now I have translated my first boring title into something mysterious.)
Now I’ll leave you with a picture of my kids from way too many years ago. This is just to make sure something bad doesn't happen.
MAJOR EDIT: AT 4:49 PM ON APRIL 20TH I FIGURED OUT HOW TO POST PICTURES ON MY AWARDS PAGE!
Jerry, you're a very talented and entertaining writer. I loved (and related to) "The Clasp"
ReplyDeleteI liked "Not so curious observations". And it's pretty apparent, if you look closely, that the hem has not come loose on Sally's dress. I think she actually has the hem tucked inside her undies or diaper. The bit hanging down is where the actual dress should fall. Otherwise, that's a shirt not a dress and therefore kiddie porn. Hahaha.
ReplyDeleteYou never cease to amaze, entertain and sometimes astonish me Jerry. I'm so glad I found your blog! And I will read the marriage counseling blogs as soon as I stop being angry with my spouse enough to want to work things out! Roughly another day or so. =]
♥Spot
Jerry-
ReplyDeleteExplicit Sexual Content seems to me a good choice. All three words are subject to a wide variety of interpretations. Or, you could promise readers the ESC would figure real soon, you were working out certain contractual details with the porn stars involved, and to stay tuned.
You should give wordpress a try (I promise they haven't paid me to advertise...)if you have a liking for blog pages. Or (if like me) you like to change "themes." I can spend many a happy hour changing my blog theme (blissful sigh)
ReplyDeleteActually I still wonder why everyone chooses google's blog rather than wordpress- what do you all know that I don't,huh?! xx
I see that a lot of bloggers respond to comments with their own comments which I figure is a shameless way of increasing their comment count. But then those comments are responded to and it all goes in a downward spiral.
ReplyDeleteBut it must be fun or they wouldn't do it? Right? Okay...
Catalyst: I am truly relieved to find another confronted with the horror of clasping. Perhaps we could start a club. "The Unhinged Society"
Spot: How did you figure that out about Sally's dress? You must have copied the picture and blown it up...which is scary. But then you follow up with wonderful compliments...so scary in a nice way.
I do hope that my Psycho-Therapeutic Marriage Counseling advice rides in to save the day.
Barry and Barbara: ...and I wonder what your comment would have been if I had used 'Explicit Sexual Content' as a title.
Caroline: There is an excellent reason for using Blog Spot. It was the first one that I found that promised to be easy, and it was. I'm a sucker for simplicity. If anyone actually reads these comments to comments I encourage you to click on the caroline732 link above. This dear Scottish lass has, among other things, a really interesting survey of the ghosts of her environs. She is always a delightful (and well researched) read.
There. Now I have increased my comment count.
Thank you, Jerry, for the laugh out loud. I love your candor and your humor. And this time, I love your pictures as well. Moldy though they are, they're inspired. Is that the sun, the moon, or an alien spaceship hovering over Chichen Itza?
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, and I agree with you, it's Sally's hem hanging down. Don'tcha love 100 year-old mysteries? Hahaha
I have just enough time to check out one more post, then I'll have to come back for the rest. Good luck with posting/pasting those awards.
Btw, if you'll go to my blog, or Postman's, at the bottom right of each post is something called 'Link Within'. Click on that and it'll take you over to a very simple screen that will allow you to add it to your blog. It's easy. I promise. It will automoatically put links to similar posts at the bottom of each post. Wow, too many posts...
ReplyDeleteOkay. First things first: Your children are adorable. Hell, you and your sister were adorable, so we know genetics played a role. I probably would not have noticed her hem had you not pointed it out....I was too busy staring at her angelic face. Oh, and yours too.
ReplyDeleteMay I offer a suggestion? You are correct in the assumption that most of us are too damned busy (tired) to click extra links. My friend Chrissy does something called "Secondhand Sundays" where she re-posts an oldie-but-goodie. That gets everyone reading her classics. Just a thought.
I think you're giving the rest of us too much credit w/this image of us whizzing around Blogville...you should see my Google searches for "How to center title side column Blogger not classic template HTML code???" Uh-huh...and Google and I are *like this*! (Holds two fingers wrapped around each other)
Jerry, you are such a delight to read and have such an interesting way of writing. I'm so glad I found you via Glenn's place! I usually don't venture further than my current relatively short blog list, unless there's a particularly interesting comment on someone else's blog or an intriguing blog title catches my eye. When I did venture over here, I read my way backwards, so I'm pretty sure I've read everything, or at least skimmed! I like the idea of second-hand sunday, as I've got some posts from early on that no one ever read (or read and didn't feel the need to comment!)
ReplyDeleteYou're not the only one who has trouble figuring some of this stuff out! I've been blogging for a year, and I only recently learned how to do a link, and even then it doesn't work half the time and I can't figure out why. And the spacing on blogger itself is wierd - sometimes it puts spaces where I didn't put any, and other times it takes them away, or changes the type from small to normal or normal to small without asking me first! Also, I didn't even know that having a second page was an option, let alone that it even existed!
You made me laugh out loud, yes, the infamous lol ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to read your blogs on marriage and then let you know how they worked. i'm sure penthouse will come calling.
BTW, call the publications and get the info on the editors and send them your stories. What have you got to lose?
I have remained with Blogger, largely due to the simplicity. I have read many positive praises for Wordpress, but haven't tried it because this is still working for me. I, too, like the "Secondhand Sunday" idea for recycling some of those (possibly) under-read blogs.
ReplyDeleteThe pictures are, of course, for "interest." People like pictures. Links I generally use to illustrate (image or information) an aspect of my blog. It is added information, and never essential. Kind of a courtesy.
I presently have four blogs, one of which is a collection of my short stories. If people happen to find my comment worthy they will (sometimes) click on my picture and visit my profile, which lists my blogs.
I have also been lately linking my blogs on Facebook. My readership is far from vast, and my Followers are probably few, but it is still fun to share and share as broadly as possible.
It is easy to see from your writing that you have been enjoying this experience. I have been delighted by your sharing. Carry on!
Mike
Rebel:
ReplyDeleteYou left two comments which increases my comment count. I wonder if that is important?
As soon as I get in an investigative mood I will check out the "Link Within'. You said it is simple, and that scares me. It is the simple things that do me in.
Kathryn:
The 'Second-hand Sunday' thing is a fantastic idea.
The only reason I'm trying to get a second page going is that I saw a blog somewhere else that had a second page and I said, "I want that!" Actually I said the same thing when I saw you wonderful writing talent. I immediately said, "I want that!" It didn't work out.
Wander:
It gives my heart hope that I am not the only one wandering in the blog wilderness without a clue. I found out that there is a new 'gadget' for adding a second page...which made no sense to me. So I went to the 'Help' section and searched for 'second page'. That helped. I got no response when I typed in 'How the hell do you get something on the second page'.
SM:
Thank goodness someone laughed. I try to be a little entertaining and sometimes I just get blank stares. I need to keep you around.
That was charming, dammit; charm always works to make me want to help. The MCPTANTRA (there's even a provocative phrase in that acronym!) doesn't know what they are missing.
ReplyDeleteI used to write in Word, copy and paste to Blogger. I wound up with funky formatting every time. I think writing in Blogger's Compose mode is a lot like getting used to bi-focals; you just have to confine yourself to the new reality and let your brain adapt whether it wants to or not...and, in the end, it was designed to want to. I still run into trouble writing in Blogger when I copy/paste some quote and find myself stuck in a font-hell. Blogger needs help. I think Google's founders are preoccupied with the Chinese and the dudes who recently hacked into "secure" personal accounts. Their minds are definitely not on the many requirements of blog geniuses like you and me and all your commenters on this post.
Great pics. That's a really nice shot of Kevin Costner holding up the mountain. That must have been shortly after his "Dances With.." days; same moustache.
Jerry my computer crashed but you were here all along!I'm having fun catching up with everyone. Thanks for the marriage advice, I knew there was a good reason I don't wear necklaces!
ReplyDeleteHello, sorry it's me again
ReplyDeleteJust having another look at your Chichen Itza pyramid pic and got a quick few questions:
1. Own up- did you slide back down on that ramp to your left? (regretting now if you didn't, huh?)
2. Did the poor women in the red skirt ever make it to the top?
3. Did you not gallantly offer to carry any of the ladies up?
4. OMG! Is that a UFO?!!!
See: http://ancientcivilitazionandufo.blogspot.com/2010/03/chichen-itza-pyramid-ufo-light-beam.html
With love Cx
There- another comment for your count ;)
Now then...
ReplyDeleteMichael:
When the professional blogger speaks I listen. Everyone seems to be using Facebook in one way or the other. This blog though is the only social network site that I'm interested in. Thanks Mike for your kind comments.
Nance:
I always feel privileged to hear from you.
You have convinced me to give Blogger's Compose mode one more time. I just felt uncomfortable with it the one time that I tried it. I am indeed tired of the confusion transferring from Word presents.
Now just between you and me...if you had the tools presented in The Clasp at your disposal, don't you think your psycho-therapying would have gone a lot smoother. No. Well hell, I was trying to impress you.
Carol:
You don't need any adornment...you can't be improved on. And that's a fact. Thank you for continuing to visit me.
Caroline:
Don't apologize for adding to my comment count...and you know you are always welcome. Your questions--
1. That middle ramp has a bunch of posts and handrails on it...and it is indeed a rough textured concrete. I'm sure this was an added feature for tourists.
2. I don't remember a woman in the red skirt. In fact, women didn't enter my panting, gasping consciousness at all.
3. No -- but I think a lady or two gallantly offered to carry me up. A little note of explanation. Those are not average-height steps. They are at least knee high and you really have to lift your leg to climb from one step to the other.
4. Some would argue that it is a lens flare common to single lens reflex cameras. But like you, I think it is a UFO. From your link, I suspect someone else believes it to. I will check it out.
Congrats on first being able to create a new page, and secondly to be able to actually post things on the second page.
ReplyDeleteBe on the lookout for an award! I want to give one to you just so you can display your newfound electronic prowess!
I must go check out these links to your greatest hits....
Dear Jerry, it has taken me far too long to come visit you and for that, I apologize. I just read your stories on marriage - 'Jason was pretty weird but I bet he could clasp a stupid necklace'. Hahaha! I love it! And how sweet was your first kiss story? What a thrilling time - when a quick brush of finger tips is enough to keep you going for weeks! These were really great :)
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness....wondering why you've not been snapped up and syndicated by one of the big time papers. We all need a touch of lightness in our lives...especially, in this day and age. Keep em' coming!
ReplyDeleteLayla of L.A.
To get new tabs..all you have to do is go to posting tab and click on the "Edit Pages", hit the new page button and there ya go just title it. Then you just hit "edit" when ever you want to add awards to it. You can add up to 10 pages.
ReplyDeleteI think you've got the hang of this blogging thing, Jerry. You are a handsome chap, holding up that mountain!
ReplyDeleteThe reason I respond to comments is because I'm afraid people won't come back if I don't answer them. However, I am going to stop responding to every one, and instead only answer those who ask questions from here out. I don't know if anyone is coming back to read my responses anyway. Also, when I become a big famous blogger with thousands of readers, I don't want every single person to expect me to respond to his or her comment. Good thinking, eh?
Shameless self-linking! Fie on you, sir!
ReplyDeleteNah, actually you've just goaded me into doing it myself. I've got a lot of stuff I'd like people to see that's buried WAY back.
"The Clasp" was where I came in, in fact. "The Kiss" had me rolling in the aisles, and "Desert Musings" lit the old wanderlust fires again. Evocative stuff (everybody else listening? That's a recommendation from the Postman, there).
Vigorous indeed you are, sir! Don't know how them Mayans coped with all them stairs. I am thoroughly impressed that you've been to Chicken Eats Ya (uh, I mean Chichen Itza). That place is high on my list.
Love the title, even though I haven't a clue how to pronounce it.
You've got some healthy-lookin' kids in that photo there, too.
"Delayed disappointment." Genius.
ReplyDeleteIf you're like me, and you obviously are because we chose the same template (refined, literate, inflexible), you figure something out on these things once and that's going to have to be it for life. I see doo-dads on other blogs I'd love to get, but every time I try to introduce my blog to something new, it pouts at a minimum and blows up altogether at worst. Then I back away with my hands up and promise to quit fiddling. Thanks for your best-hits list, which I will get to shortly.
I think self-linking is just fine. It's a myth that it makes you go blind.
I'd say there is nothing bad happening here, pics or no pics...but it was very fun to see the ones you posted to ward off the threats. I too wander around in the blog wilderness wondering how to do this or that.....when I try, it sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. I will take a trip back in time to read some of your previous nufty entries.
ReplyDeleteJerry...have missed your posts. Hope all is well with you and your wife...
ReplyDeleteYou are way ahead of me, with your page for awards. I have been meaning to move mine for ages. Your writing is always entertaining.
ReplyDelete