Saturday, January 29, 2011

Pot Purry

Don't you mean potpourri?

I thought I got rid of you a couple of weeks ago.

I'm always here -- your paranoid other self, your conscious, your kick-in-the-butt to provide fodder for your writing imagination, your...

Can it! I have a headache and think I will go back to bed.

You are ducking the fact that you are a cheater?


Don't you read your comments? It was asked if you make up your recipes, on that dismal recipe blog of yours, without actually cooking them. She postulated that you just sit here and make up culinary conglomerations without ever setting foot in the kitchen.

She is just trying to get me to invite her over for dinner. I get that a lot.

No you don't. Again I see you are evading the question.

Why don't you answer the question? You eat the same thing I do. I'm not sure I would be capable of making up a recipe sitting here....well, I think I have a Rachel Ray '30 Minute Meals' book. I suppose I could take something from there and re-write it. Actually that is an interesting idea, something like 'How to Turn 30-Minute Meals Into Two Hours With No Effort At All'. Rachel would probably sue me and we would end up having to meet and she could autograph her book...and who knows, she would probably have me on her show. I could...

Stop wandering off into dreamland. Do you cook the damn recipes? And why are there only three of them in your stupid recipe blog?

I am going to put in another recipe this week. A dessert with berries.


And like the other three....I have prepared them all and they have been taste tested by me and my less-than-enthusiastic wife. I cook then write....maybe years later.

Well, I guess this concludes today's blog.

I'm really concerned about people changing things without asking my permission.

What are you talking about?

Someone changed that children's prayer, you know:

“Now I lay me down to sleep,
  I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
  If I should die before I wake,
  I pray the Lord my soul to take.

How did we get from recipes to...

They changed it to:

“Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
Guard me while I sleep tonight,
And wake me safe at dawn's first light.
God bless Mommy; Daddy, too,
And help me to always be true to you.
Amen.” what? Who changed it?

I figure it was the Damn Revisionists. They always want to protect us because they figure we aren't smart enough to protect ourselves. It may give our children nightmares worrying about dying before they wake. I never got nightmares. Who do they think they are?

So the old ways are better?

Yeah. I mean we could get really old and inform the public where that prayer actually came from. It was an adaption of this old English prayer:

“Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, bless the bed that I lie on.
Before I lay me down to sleep, I give my soul to Christ to keep.
Four corners to my bed, four angels there aspread, two to foot, and
two to head, and two to carry me when I'm dead.
I go by sea, I go by land, the Lord made me by his right hand.
If any danger comes to me, Sweet Jesus Christ, deliver me.
He's the branch, and I'm the flower, pray God send me a happy hour.
And if I die before I wake, I pray that Christ my soul will take.”

That's really not too interesting, Jerry. What is interesting though is your insistence that we should keep things the way they were.

Stupid people are sticking their noses in changing stuff.

You mean changing stuff like:

Or this:

This blog is getting too long.

I see. We need to keep things the way they were.

I didn't mean that. This is getting way, way off the subject. 

Well Jerry, you were the one trying to figure how to get those old ads in your blog.

Actually, I sort of like this one.

So you wanted to get a children's prayer and sexist ads into a single blog. Your mind is a strange thing.

Actually, I wondered if I could take three disparate subjects and successfully weave them together into a single essay. It's not easy going from recipes to prayer to ads.

And you think you did this 'successfully'?

We left out an ad. Look: 


  1. Oh, my goodness! You have clearly lost it! and I can't stop giggling (which means I must have lost it, too) :)

  2. I would say that was successful.

    They changed the prayer?? (See I always learn something when I come over here)

  3. I remember as a kid being a big nervous about the "... if I should die before I wake..." line in that particularly soothing bedtime ritual. I eliminated the entire issue with my kids and told them "Jack and the Bean Stalk" instead.

  4. Wonderful, Jerry. I mean, really!

  5. You are so darn funny and creative!
    I see you've altered your template. It's very calming....SO CALM DOWN!!!

  6. I always thought that prayer was creepy, so I just didn't say it, and I definitely won't say it to my kid because I don't even want to think about him dying. Ever. Denial is way better than revision.

  7. LOL (again) I too wish "they" would leave some things alone. We are getting way too touchy in this modern age! It was never a prayer that I routinely spoke so I haven't passed it on to my daughter, but then again our family wasn't really routine in much of anything...As for those sexist ads... They are really funny until I remember that it really was like that at one point and then... well then I am so happy to have been born in this day and age. I have a feeling I would have been one of those stubborn women constantly saying something like "I can DO IT!" Actually I have no idea what I would have been like, I tend to like chivalry but also love to be able to know that I can do such "man-ly" things as move the furniture and flip the mattress or open most anything. But since I have never experienced anything remotely like those ads other than in jest, I can laugh out loud and suck in my breath as I exclaim "Oooohhh!! wow!" and shake my head :)

  8. Yeah dammit! Always changing stuff on us. Why, I can recall when if you missed your favorite TV show, that was it. You were SOL until rerun time, and even then there was no guarantee they'd rerun that particular episode. Livin' on the edge we were!

  9. Like Robert the Skeptic, I worried about that "dying before I wake" thing a lot, usually as I was trying to go to sleep. I remember it well, because I think about it every time I hear that little nightmare-jerker. And every time I worry.

    For a while, I worked on the problem nightly, but would always fall asleep before I got more than a step or two closer to the resolution. Then finally came the elusive flicker of an idea that felt right: If the worst happened, I'd be DEAD and, therefore, wouldn't give a hoot about having died. Therefore, the main problem was bothering to worry over it.

    I worked for many nights thereafter, in a few intense moments each night before sleep won, to nail that idea down and give it words. The best I could come up with was, "It doesn't matter."

    I have been a worrier ever since and I blame that damned prayer. On the flip side, I've been able to use the conclusion many times; in fact, every single time I get worried about something and follow the logic trail for a while, I arrive at the very same conclusion.

  10. Oh,'ve done it again, my friend. Although I hold a seep-seated concern for your emotional well-being, you're the master at weaving three disconnected subject into a seamless blog post...and you've managed to teach people as well.

    Um. Bravo?

    Those ads were horribly offensive.
    The changing of the prayer is ridiculous.
    The recipe site is my next stop...always willing to support a good laugh (I mean, recipe site).

  11. Just ladle on the gratuitous sexism, we love it. Unfortunately, M. DeFarge has now seen these adverts and has developed some strange ideas. I shall have to dissuade him from wearing a waistcoat.

  12. See? I told you...YOU ARE A GEMINI!!!

  13. I was totally freaked out by that prayer. I think changing it is stupid because there's no good reason a child shouldn't be freaked out now and then. It builds character, if only from having to contend with the bed-wetting. Thanks for including the longer poem. Never heard it before. Until now I didn't know The Lord used his right hand.

  14. Am I the only one here who actually HOPED I'd die in my sleep and miss the whole horrible bicycle/car/falling from a fire escape I was sneaking up thing..... Well anyway my brain is mush, much like the mush that clogs the lot and prevents me from getting the car out. For Monday drive. Just before the next storm due in this evening... :}

  15. Love the ads. But the harder I work, the sweatier I look so I don't know what those ladies were doing.

    The prayer is kind of scary, but I still said and it and look I made it to grown-uphood! What was good enough for us is good enough for them. If we have to change things so they're not so scary, all we're going to do is raise a generation of wimps. Ridiculous.


  16. I am so glad the fog on my laptop was clear long enough to get thru reading this ... unfortunately, when I began typing, it fogged up again so if there are typos - sorry :(
    thank you for the giggles!!

  17. Revisionist fairy tales make me cringe. Nursery rhymes not taught b/c they are scary make me snarl. Your ads made me laugh.

    It's good to be back :)

  18. Sometimes revisions are a good thing. If I should die ALWAYS freaked me out.

    I am also happier with lard.

  19. I play a game like this with my Drama students in which I give them the first line and the last line of their scene and they must improvise a performance which takes the audience on a logical journey from the first line to the last. I think you accomplished the arc brilliantly. I'm giving you an A! (Can I pick the three topics next time?)

  20. Ahhh I'm loving this because it just flows the same way as my ADHD brain!!
    The ad pics are too funny.