Saturday, March 19, 2011

Regressive Genetic Disorders

Dear Internet People,

I thought I read in a comment that I did the best regressions in the world and I thought this odd because I figured regressions had something to do with somehow going into my past lives which I really didn't know I had. But this started me thinking, who would I have been in a past life and I couldn't come up with an answer mainly because past lives people didn't have air conditioning and had to work much too hard for a living. The whole idea of picking a past life is kind of intriguing and odd until it occurred to me that they may have time travel in the future and I could have picked a past life and just inserted myself, but if I did that -- well, I picked Wow! I picked myself to be a past life to me in the future. I didn't pick being a king or Daniel Boone, I picked me. I must be special. What have I done that is so special? Well, actually -- not too much. So that means that I am going to do something special that I don't know about. Well, this notion has sure picked up my attitude and given me a dynamic purpose for living.

Except...I went back and read the comment. Oh. She said I did the best digressions in the world, not regressions. Bummer.

Sigh....where did she get that anyway?

Okay, I promised that I would gear my humdrum life up and finish answering those questions.

How would you see yourself in ten years time?

Am I supposed to assume that I won the lottery or not? You know, there are two basic ingredients in life. Do your best and expect the unexpected.. It is the 'unexpected' part that throws a kink in the whole thing. Unexpected things can be good things or bad things and they are monstrous variables. So actually those two ingredients in life can more appropriately stated as Do Your Best and Learn How to Cope. No matter what is thrown at you, winning the lottery or getting struck by lightning or being promoted to vice-president where you work or a loved one dying -- you have to be able to handle it.

I am pretty much convinced that the older you are the more important coping skills are. That's because an older person is more likely to be hit with abrupt challenges. Friends and family are older, you are more disease prone, you tend to be set in your ways and changes are harder to take, and there are planned but abrupt changes that will happen -- like retirement.

So -- where will I be in ten years?

I will be retired. I will be pleased. My plan is to be a sage dispensing my brand of wisdom and kindness -- and being someone that grandkids and kids can bring secret problems to and receive secret understanding in return. I will be grumpy at times because I have a secret fascination with grumpy old men. My wife will continue to gripe at me about wearing my hearing aids and I will gripe at her because I lost my reading glasses but our gripes will be expected gripes of love. We will face a myriad of problems together, but be wise enough to talk and engage in calm and insightful deliberation as we learn to cope. Maybe I will get a smart phone and we will spend months figuring out how to use the thing. We might even sign up for Facebook because we won't give a damn about our privacy being invaded and utilized by strangers. We will not Twitter because we simply can't be limited to a few words to say something. We will travel and our Christmas and Birthday presents will be much less extravagant so we can save for those trips.

In short, we will be as we are now, except do it better.

What's your fear?

The death of a loved one.

Would you give up all the junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit space? 

I sort of want to say yes. I have always wanted to be an astronaut if I didn't have to do all that math and calculations and ride in a centrifuge. I can't do roller coasters much less a centrifuge. I want the benefits of space, the wondrous views and the lack of gravity, but I don't want to do the work involved. And I have yet to see a decent phaser and not one single alien.

Maybe in ten years when they have developed stuff more. For now, I will stick with junk food.

Would you rather be single and rich, or married and poor?

Being single and rich has got to be a horrendously lonely life. I'll go with the latter.

What is the first thing you do when you wake up?

Come on...this is a trick question. My routine is established and I will continue it the rest of my decrepit life. I pee!

If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner, what would it be?

Since my wife invades my private life and with absolutely no shame, reads my blog -- it would behoove me to answer this question with poise and delicacy.

Actually, it is kind of hard to answer. She is the source of a lot of little aggravations. But in truth, I'm not sure what I would do without those aggravations. But I think I can narrow it down to Dependability.

I have a Commitment Gene embedded in DNA somewhere. When I say I am going to do something, I do it. If I say that tomorrow I am going to be on the south rim of the Grand Canyon, I will be there. If I say that I will empty the dishwasher tomorrow, I will. If I tell my boss that I will have a project plan on his desk at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, you can be sure I will -- and I will not allow getting sick or car problems keep me from it. I am Mister Dependable and everyone knows that I can be counted on. Now it used to drive me nuts not to arrive at a party on time...because to me that was a commitment. But I have mellowed a bit on that. I can now show up fifteen or twenty minutes late with no visible signs of trauma. I don't scream at my wife that, "We Are Late!"....although I may mention in passing what time it is two or three or four times.

Now Marilyn doesn't have this genetic disorder. What she means when she says that she is going to do something is, "Right now my intentions are to do this tomorrow, but who knows what tomorrow might bring. I might not feel like it. The world won't end. I promise, it won't."

This is hard for me to get my head around. If she mentions that she will cook her famous meatloaf tomorrow, my tomorrow is sort of geared around meatloaf for dinner. I look forward to it. I find myself salivating for meatloaf. It just hard for me to understand that there is a fifty-fifty chance that meatloaf will be on the table. After all, a commitment was made.

So I would opt for gene therapy for both of us. Perhaps her Lackadaisical Gene could get whacked back a bit, and maybe my Commitment Gene could be trimmed.

How did I do? Should I expect divorce papers?

*Note from Marilyn - so that means I can still go wild on Ebay, right? As long as you get your meatloaf?

If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?

When I was around twelve years old I figured I should be named Tom because Tom was manly and who ever heard of a hero named Jerry? Throughout history, name one Jerry that pops to mind. On top of that was the understanding that I was named after a paper doll. My mother's family was very, very poor and her toys were two paper dolls names Jerry and Sally and she vowed that when she grew up and had kids they would be so named. Thank goodness she had a son and daughter -- I would feel really sorry for a brother of mine to be named Sally.

I can't come up with a preferred name...well maybe Sir Jerry!

Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?

Artist and author J B Chicoine, the blogger that is making me answer these questions, answered with the perfect answer herself. She said, "That depends on how that special person feels about it." It is absolutely true and I can't improve upon that.

If you could eat only one thing for the next six months, what would it be?

I don't have an absolutely favorite food. I love Italian food, and like Mexican food, and a good hamburger can't be beat. And I can be forced to indulging in a hot fudge sundae. There are few things that taste better about 10:00 o'clock on a weekend morning that a good breakfast. But somethings that I would want to eat for six months? I guess I have to settle on Marilyn's meatloaf.

There, I've finished. No more questions. Now I have to go back and find some pictures to throw in here because all good blogs have to have pictures. I think someone said that.

Now, go and do something stupid.


Sir Jerry



  1. There is Jerry Lewis and while he has some faults the French like him.

  2. Don't forget Jerry Garcia, and Jerry the Mouse (i.e. Tom & Jerry; how great is that?). And then there's the very famous Jerry-the-Paper-Doll.

    Oh! And Jerry Springer! (But let's not connect you with him. He's icky.)

  3. I would mention Jerry Brown, the governor of California, but he doesn't fit into my hero basket.

    Who comes up with these questions? Yet I enjoyed reading your answers. We asked questions like these in grade school.

    "Which would you rather do? Slide down a ten foot razor blade into a barrel of iodine, or drink a gallon of monkey snot?"

    Maybe that's what all of these questions are. Retrogression into childhood. Hmmm.

  4. Oh Jerry! You have once again exceeded my expectations! To be honest, I always hesitate to pass on these 'TAGS' without at least asking first. I didn't ask you first, though. I somehow knew you'd take it as a challenge, but more than that, I knew your answers would be...well...ever so enlightening, and I didn't want to give you an opportunity to wiggle your way out of it (like another Old Codger from the State of Texas [whose name, Glenn, shall only be whispered].)

    Thanks so much for playing and sharing and making me want some meatloaf!

  5. Yum! Marilyn's meatloaf looks divine and for some reason, I'm now craving a meatloaf sandwich....

    I was going to mention the infamous Jerry of the Tom & Jerry combo, but I see someone has beat me to it.

    Sir Jerry...I like it. It has a nice ring to it.

    Am off to do something stupid now.

  6. I'm kind of all about the air conditioning and indoor plumbing too so I'd be hestitant to visit a past life. I like your motto; "Expect the unexpected and learn to cope". I may steal it.

    As always, you are a joy to read.


  7. Now I've got meatloaf on the brain and I'm guessing it won't go away till I get some along with some whipped potatoes and gravy. darn it's like a tune that just keeps on going. Nice post for meatloaf lovers. I picture our aging process along a similar path but with an added bonus of Buddy, the three of us.

  8. Sir J.: I could comment on a whole lot here, but why bore the pants off everyone? It's easier to say I think you're one of the best bloggers around.

    Now, I've gotten down on one knee to show my respect for your Sirness, but I can't get back up again. But I can cope until my wife gets home in a couple hours, I really can . . .

  9. Have I ever mentioned how much I love reading your comments? They always make me smile a big smile :) I love your blog too, it also makes me smile :)

  10. P.S. Ok, so I hadn't read it when I posted at 6:30, but was so intent on saying what I said and had to come back to read this later..ANYWAY, so now I got to read it and once again you have me smiling and laughing! I just love the way you think! I actually think you and I are a bit alike in a lot of ways judging from your answers :) I have thought about who I would like to be in a past life and every time I think I have someone picked out, I find out something (or several things) about their life that I'm just not sure I could bear. Like being a princess in the renaissance era - I wouldn't be able to choose my husband, or much of anything yet would have a TON of responsibility...what happened to waiting for your true love and that happily ever after bit?? No, I'll take what I got, thank you :)

  11. Not to be a wet blanket, but in ten years you might pee BEFORE you wake up.

  12. "Being single and rich has got to be a horrendously lonely life. I'll go with the latter."

    The entire point of being rich, if one is single, is to fund a search for the perfect mate. One might SAY, "Oh, yes, I got the yacht because I love boating," but it's a chick magnet--first, last and always.

    On that note, I was once passed on a San Diego freeway by a very handsome young man in a shiny black Corvette--license plate: getchicks.

  13. First thing you do in the morning....I lost my sprite all over the desk! LOL!

    Loved the whole post and all your answers, now I need to go make a meatloaf...Yummm!

  14. I share your morning routine, Jerry. I'm just damn glad I can haul my ass out of bed to make it happen.