Saturday, April 2, 2011

A Conspiracy of Traps

Why did you sleep so late?

Huh? Oh,. I woke up at 4:30 this morning, looked around, and asked, "Why?", and went back to sleep. Then somehow it got to 6:45 and here I am and I'm dazed. I'm not used to sleeping so late.

You must have had a wild night.

Let me think. Oh. We watched "The Tourist" on DVD and then I read. I'm pretty sure that I complained about my wounds through the whole thing.


It was a conspiracy of traps carefully designed to do me in. First I had to call Comcast and complain that the digital adapter they sent for the TV upstairs wasn't worth a flip. And do you know what she had me do? She wanted me to read the serial number off the adapter. I thought that was pretty stupid.

Yes, and...

So I was carrying around the phone talking as I went upstairs and went to the TV and found a black box on the TV and turned it around and squinted out the serial number and she said that wasn't it but it was the only number there and I was getting upset with her until I figured out that I was reading out the serial number of a X-Box. You can see I was getting frustrated.

You thought the X-Box was the adapter.

Well, how was I supposed to know? This was in my step-son's room and he has all kinds of electronic craziness in there. So after I explained to her that I may have read a X-Box number to her by mistake I heard her sigh impatiently which frustrated me even more because now she thought that she had an aged idiot on the phone. So I was going to rush around to the other side of the big TV and then it happened.

Big TV?

Well yeah. We gave him our great big boxy TV after Marilyn got us a big, skinny HDTV. So I going from one side of the big TV to the other side and -- you know, his overhead light needs more wattage. You see, I tripped over a portable sewing machine sitting right there on the floor. I mean, it wasn't a standard tripping, it was a full scale trip and I plopped flat onto the floor. The floor was carpeted but under the floor was wood and the hardness of the wood transconfigurated right through the carpet onto my body.

I'll bet that hurt!

But I more or less kept my composure. I grabbed the phone which was two feet from my head and pulled it to my ear and she was saying, "Sir? Sir?". As I lay there I explained that I tripped and that maybe I should call back later. She started saying something else but I clicked her off. By now she was convinced that I was an aged idiot and it is hard to speak meaningfully to someone who thinks you are an idiot.

I limped downstairs and Marilyn asked what that bang was and I told her that I tripped over a sewing machine and bruised my leg and I jammed my mouse-clicking finger trying to break my fall. She tried to stifle the laughter as she said, "Oh my gosh." I then ranted. I mean who leaves a sewing machine on the floor. That was just stupid. Marilyn rubbed it in, "There was a sewing machine in the middle of the floor and you didn't see it?"

I replied with absolute certainty, "He needs a bigger light bulb up there. Besides, I was concentrating on finding a stupid digital thing on top of the TV and wasn't looking down. And it is stupid that he leaves a sewing machine on the floor. And why did that stupid Comcast lady make me go all the way upstairs to read a serial number anyway? If she had just taken my word for it none of this would have happened!"

So clumsiness doesn't come into play?

You sound like Marilyn. Don't you guys understand that I suffered blunt force trauma? I mean, it hurts to type.

So this is your blog entry?

Most people don't realize that when one suffers physical trauma they also are whacked with psychological trauma too. The only way to confront this before it becomes debilitating as to face the fear head on. So I am going to call Comcast as soon as I wake up and confront the lady and explain to her that I am not an aged idiot. But then maybe it won't be the same lady.

Maybe I can call this entry "Confronting Your Fears" which would give hope to those who feel the world conspires against them. They would find an ally in me here.

I don't think that is a very good idea.

If my wife will leave me alone to tend to my wounds today maybe I could research something and write about it later. If my finger stops hurting.




  1. Jerry, I'm so sorry. (but giggling quietly)

  2. Oh the inhumanity of it all! How dare the Comcast lady question you? How dare he leave a sewing machine in the floor? How dare Marilyn laugh? (you can't hear my stifled giggles from there, can you?)

  3. Lol, been there, done that! Those are the days I just want to crawl back into bed and start's just too bad that I rarely actually get to do that.. Anyway, hope your wounds heal up quickly! ;)

  4. I'm so sorry for your pain and injuries, Jerry--no, really, I am, but I just couldn't stop laughing at your expense, hehehehe...I'm sorry, I do hope your jammed mouse...hehehe...finger...heehe...feels better soon...:)

  5. transconfigurated - "no Thesaurus results."

    Ya know, one of the subtle signs of aged idiocy is a tendency to use vague general words instead of specific ones or to make up words to fill word retrieval gaps.

    'Course, who needs subtle signs, when the gross signs are already abundant. I succumbed ages ago; my only concern is that I not be INFORMED of it.

    Baby that mouse finger, buddy. RICE.

  6. Awww, but what I want to know is whether you agree The Tourist is the best ever movie, it is- don't ya agree! :)

  7. I also came here to call you out on "transconfigurated" but I see you have already been adequately busted for that. Just in case it helps your wounds heal faster I have the same problem when I call for tech support. I do not know which black box does which thing and we seem to have a surprising number of black boxes that hang out near the television. I don't think that being unable to distinguish between black boxes is necessarily indicative of being aged or of being an idiot. Maybe it just means we are thinking outside the box?

  8. I mean, come on: who leaves a sewing machine in the middle of their floor? Particularly the floor of a step-son with all sorts of electronic craziness already abounding, like an XBox for example? Jeez.

    Glad to hear you're all right. Best regards to that finger.

  9. Oh, poor you.;) I feel for you; I know only too well how it is to talk to strange, obnoxious people on the phone who think you are even stranger. And most of all - I know all about falling as I am yet to meet a clumsiest person than me.;)
    One question kept popping up in my head all along though - why does your step son have a sewing machine in his room? Or did I misunderstood something?;)
    Hope your finger gets better;))

  10. See, I knew it - all this advanced technology is not designed to make our lives better, it's designed to kill us!

  11. You slept in so late that you were groggy...
    We have all kinds of stairs and different levels in our house. I just know that someday, I'll be taking an accidental dive from one level to the other. Anything short of a broken neck will be okay. Oh yeah, I'm sure the cause for the fall won't be a sewing machine, but probably a piece of lego or some other toy thing left out by the grandkids...

  12. i am not sure it is the Physical Damage you should be worrying about...i think more mental..not sure where that might have occured,,,or something,,,or maybe not,,,I am not sure,,,what do you think? Who is this?

  13. Oh I am sorry for the experience when you called us. I hope the pains and bruises are gone now.

    I work for Comcast. Please feel free to contact out team for assistance.

    Comcast Corp.
    National Customer Operations

  14. This is what happens when you call Comcast. In the future, don't call, complain enough that someone else will do it- problem solved! Glad I could help.

  15. I love coming here. You make me feel so much better about myself. That's not good for you, though.

    We're not old and stupid. We're differently abled. Way differently.

  16. Nope. I'm still the Queen of Klutz, but this was definitely a valid attempt to steal my title. And remember, we're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you. You are laughing, right? Because I am. But if you're not, I'll totally stop. No, no I won't. Thanks for the giggles!


  17. Well you have certainly captured what so many of us have had to experience over time. why is it always our job to fix these issues?? lol

  18. Shhhh its nearing 4 am and my son knows not where his notebook is...

    My bad electrical karma continues.

    And every time I have to get out the extra-strength heavy duty magnifying glass just to read the code numbers on the bottom of the dsl thingy it's always the wrong number I read first. They do it on purpose you know, THEY, sitting behind those help-lines, "Hey I got a live one here..." while trying not to be heard giggling insanely while I stumble through DSIN, SN, ISBN etc #'s.

    It's a conspiracy. I need to call my mother. Is there an information line for DEPARTED?!?! :}